How I work with this
In my practice, I rely on methods that allow us to work with the underlying causes of family crises. Through Transference-Focused Psychotherapy (TFP), we examine how you construct relationships with me in the consulting room, as it is often here that the very same painful interaction patterns as at home are replicated (transference analysis). We pay attention to moments when a loved one appears either idealized or absolutely terrible, and we work on the capacity to tolerate complex, mixed feelings toward the partner or parents, seeing them holistically (overcoming splitting). For individuals whose relationships are accompanied by acute emotional instability and chaos (borderline personality organization, or BPO), this becomes the key to reducing destructive impulses in the family.
Schema therapy, for its part, helps identify stable life scenarios that cause you to repeatedly fall into the same traps—for example, constantly anticipating devaluation or automatically submitting to others' demands (early maladaptive schemas). We explore the states in which you feel like a helpless or frightened child next to a dominant partner or parent (schema modes), and we gradually foster your resilient healthy adult mode. If your difficulties are more related to internal doubts, hyper-responsibility, and guilt before loved ones rather than open hostility (neurotic personality structure), we focus on permitting yourself to live your own life, building a sense of a stable, internally coherent, and independent "Self" (identity integration).
Do you recognise yourself?
- ✓ feeling that you speak different languages with your partner or parents and you are fundamentally not heard
- ✓ constant irritation over minor things that suddenly escalate into large-scale arguments
- ✓ fear of rejecting parents due to your own decisions and, at the same time, rage at their intrusion into your life
- ✓ persistent belief that to preserve the relationship you must constantly sacrifice your own needs
- ✓ avoiding any serious conversations out of fear of triggering uncontrolled anger or tears in a loved one
- ✓ chronic feeling of guilt before children or the older generation for not meeting their expectations
If you recognised 3+ points — it is a good reason to talk to a psychologist.
Approach & Methodology
Conflicts in the family often feel like a dead end where the closest people turn into enemies. Behind constant arguments, silence, or mutual grievances, there usually lies a deep pain of misunderstanding and a fear of losing connection. I view such conflicts not simply as a clash of interests or differing perspectives, but as a stage upon which early relationship scenarios are enacted. We often unconsciously project onto our partner or children those emotional deficits and unresolved resentments that stem from our own childhood.
When the difference in values between generations or partners becomes intolerable, it may indicate an inability to accept the other as a separate individual with their own internal world. Instead of meeting the real partner or child, a person may battle their own internal figures that they have unconsciously projected onto loved ones (projective identification). My work consists in helping you see these hidden mechanisms and reclaim the capacity for authentic intimacy without losing your own "self."
Questions & Answers
Why do I react so sharply to the words of my mother or mother-in-law, even though I have had my own family for a long time?
Strong emotional reactions are often related not to the current situation, but to the fact that the words or actions of the older generation activate old, childhood wounds. In therapy, we separate the real person in front of you from that powerful internal figure from the past to whom you are actually responding, which helps significantly reduce the level of tension.
How much time is needed for our arguments to stop?
A decrease in the intensity of conflicts can happen relatively quickly when you start recognizing your triggers and stopping automatic reactions. However, deep work to change the very foundation of the relationship, learn to tolerate the otherness of the other, and form a safe intimacy is a long process that takes time to rebuild the internal structure of the personality.
Is it possible to work on couple conflicts if only I attend therapy?
Yes. By changing your own reactions and becoming aware of your contribution to the family dynamic, you inevitably change the entire pattern of the relationship. When you stop playing your habitual role in a conflict, your partner or parents also have to adapt and respond in a new way.
Will therapy lead me to decide to divorce or stop communicating with my parents?
Therapy does not push you toward specific life decisions. Its goal is to help you see reality as it is, to untangle the knot of resentments and old traumas. Thanks to this, you will be able to make choices — to stay in relationships, change their distance, or end them — based on true feelings rather than blind fear or guilt.
Process
How the work unfolds
Initial contact
Write in the messenger or leave a request on the site. Do not look for the right words — I will help you carefully start our journey and we will choose a convenient meeting time.
First consultation
A safe space for acquaintance, where you will feel if my approach suits you. This meeting does not oblige you to anything and only helps determine the next steps.
Regular therapy
Meetings are held 1-2 times a week for 50 minutes, online or face-to-face. A stable schedule is necessary for deep transformation and the development of your internal supports.
Payment and booking
The session fee is 50 USD (in hryvnias). Please read the Public Offer. The time is finally reserved and confirmed after payment.
Contact
Book a consultation
I reply on weekdays. If you are in crisis — call me directly.
Or write directly